Things at the school are done “Ms. Pat’s Way,” but not by coercion or command. Ms. Pat is petite—one of her teachers is four-foot-nine and towers over her—but people listen to her. She carries the power of a guiding vision, and she inspires other people to share her vision. When you hear the clarity of her vision and see how she has brought people together to make it real, it’s difficult to believe she had no idea where things were headed when she stumbled onto Montessori education.

Vision Starts With An Unmet Need

Things were set in motion when Pat’s husband at the time wanted to move to a rural community near Dallas-Fort Worth so he could keep horses on their property. The local school district had a weak reputation and the schools were far away, so she asked about private schools. She was told there were a couple of Montessori schools in a nearby town.

The closer school didn’t have any children the age of her older son so she drove to the larger school to check it out. The man who would teach her third-grader was wearing shorts, sandals, and a flowered shirt. Pat was relatively comfortable with rural Texas. She wasn’t very comfortable with flowered shirts and sandals.

With parent recommendations and a lot of faith she enrolled both her sons. The open concept and self-directed activities left her wondering for quite a while. Until she pulled up to the school one day and saw her older son on the roof.

He and another student were up there—on the flat roof—working on a math problem. They were exploring and discovering things to help explain the math concept. They were safe; the teacher knew where they were and they had borrowed a ladder. From that day on, her son loved math, and Pat loved Montessori.

Turning Necessity Into Opportunity

A few short years later Pat was going through a divorce and the school offered her a position as secretary at their small satellite in a developing community. She worked in exchange for tuition so her sons could stay enrolled in the main school. She started learning more about Montessori and started discovering her talents for leadership, organization, and motivation.

Supporters of the school found a property in a rural town on the edge of the suburbs and helped the school buy it. At the time there was a single home on it. Over the Christmas break of 1987 Ms. Pat, her two sons, a couple of volunteer dads, and a teacher who is still at the school, Ms. Marisa, packed up the school’s belongings in a horse trailer and moved everything to the little house.

The first day school was supposed to start back, there was a winter storm. This was fortunate for Pat, because it meant she had more time to put together the classrooms. They made shelves by painting cinder blocks and boards. She rolled up her sleeves and organized and arranged until the chaos settled into a manageable mess.

The school had about twenty-five students when it opened at the new location. Many parents volunteered to help with the tasks, like making classroom materials and continuing to transform the house into a school. A music teacher showed up, having just moved from Santa Fe, and was able to teach music and offer piano lessons. The universe was pitching in.

Sometimes Someone Else Sees Your Wings Before You Do

Soon after the teacher who had acted as director was no longer interested in the dual role. The school’s board asked Pat to consider the position. She was passionate about the Montessori philosophy and was invested in the school by then. It had become like a family to her and her sons through their upheavals. But she was scared by the responsibility of the position. She decided to trust the judgment of the directors and accepted the position, now earning a tiny bit of salary on top of free tuition.

Early days were very difficult because the school was still a small satellite. Pat would drive half an hour or more to get to the main school to pick up classroom and office supplies on a regular basis. People at the main school focused more and more on keeping the main location viable and gave little thought to the satellite. Pat focused more and more on a long-term plan of growth for her school.

A Big Vision And A Patient Plan

With a group of dedicated parents she was able to negotiate a separation from the original school. In 1990 they founded a separated non-profit corporation and signed a contract to purchase the building and some of the land. Pat got very busy. During the day she ran the school and met with people and slowly filled it to capacity based on referrals, word of mouth, and her personal presence in the community. At night she was taking classes to get certified in Montessori education.

With the classes full, she went to the board to share her long-term vision. She could see what the campus would be like in the future, with additional buildings for additional classrooms and activities. She encouraged them to start the first stage. They agreed to get a small loan and build an additional building on the property with two more classrooms. The classes filled within two years. They added a class for older children (9 through 12) and hired a former teacher from the original school to help direct that class three days per week.

The Second Stage Follows Quickly

By 1994 the original expansion was paid off and Pat had a vision for Stage 2. This would require a higher level of financing. Large national corporations were buying up local banks so her father suggested she find a small-town bank nearby. Driving to one location, she got lost and pulled into Justin, which was mostly a farming and ranching town at the time. She found a local bank, put together her information and got up her courage, and finally drove back out. She pitched her idea to a bank vice-president who agreed to consider. Two days later he showed up at the school with the bank president. She laid out her full dream to them, they listened, and a week later told her “yes.”

The second addition was a larger building with two large classrooms for the elementary classes. With the classrooms completed, a main part of Pat’s vision was realized. The school could have children from eighteen months through twelve years. And the classes filled up.

Striving—It’s Always Part Of The Process

There were bumps and bruises along the way. People with a different vision tried to influence the board to go in a different direction. They wanted to take control of the school and tried to get other parents and teachers to go along.

But Pat laid out her vision for the school and shared her heart with all the parents and staff. She let them know how much she values the fact the school as a second home to many students and a place of connection and community for many parents. She explained why she wanted a smaller school and how believed the children deserved comfortable relationships with their teachers and staff over several years. They overwhelmingly supported her and committed to continuing her vision.

Oh, It Gets Better!

Pat had a high school sweetheart named Cecil. He went into the Navy and she went her own way after high school. He was also a friend of her brother so he attended her father’s funeral. They started talking again. He was recently divorced and had just retired from the Navy. She had stayed single for years. He was finally able to live wherever he wanted, so pretty soon he decided to move near her.

They got married nearly ten years ago. He’s part of the school family now, showing up to help out at all the school activities. He’s also the handyman—he’s a retired Seabee who’s constructed embassies so building maintenance is a breeze for him!

The Vision Realized

With the first expansion paid off and the second expansion paid down, the board agreed it was time for the final stage of the campus expansion. In the spring of 2006 graduation was held in a brand new gym at the school. The building has a stage for the school’s programs and parent events. It has a room for music and a room for other enrichment activities. It even has a serving kitchen for school-wide family events. It’s the building Pat has been planning for nearly twenty years.

Pat says people have told her, “If you owned that school you’d be set now.” She doesn’t see it that way. She doesn’t think it could have happened as a for-profit business. The non-profit corporation is the vehicle that carries the vision forward. It has taken many parents volunteering in lots of different ways over all the years the school has been open to help bring the vision to fruition. It has been possible, and it has survived through some lean and uncertain times, because other people committed their time, energy, and money to a long-term dream.

Trusting In Wings
Sometimes you’ve got to jump off cliffs and grow wings on the way down.
~Ray Bradbury

The directors from the original school who asked Pat to take the job of administrator were right. She was the perfect person for the job. I doubt they realized at the time how much she would accomplish, but they knew she would protect the dream and move it forward.

Pat didn’t know, when she first started looking for a school for her sons, where it would lead her. She didn’t know what was ahead when she started working as a secretary in exchange for tuition. When she accepted the position of administrator, I know she was afraid, but I think she glimpsed the vision. She had ideas about what needed to be done. She just doubted if she was the one to pull it off.

She took the leap anyway, and now she is soaring.

My understanding of children and their psychological development was electrified when I studied play therapy under Dr. Garry Landreth, a world-renowned expert. In addition to giving us his own powerful insight, he introduced our class to great developmental psychologists and child therapists. Among the best of the best was Dr. Haim Ginott, who valued compassion and empathy to build character and resilience in children. Dr. Ginott’s best-known students, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, took what they learned and created the parenting approach I recommend above all others.

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk is the product of many years of learning, applying concepts, teaching, listening, and refining techniques. Faber and Mazlish started by teaching groups of parents the concepts Dr. Ginott had taught them. Eventually they wrote their first book, Liberated Parents, Liberated Children.

That book uses a narrative style to show how the women learned Dr. Ginott’s techniques, tried them out, had some successes and some struggles, and eventually transformed their relationships with their children. In How To Talk they created six lessons from the ideas and techniques they taught for years. This book has exercises and steps for parents to learn the skills and try them out so they can deepen their relationships with their children and get better cooperation.

The First Tip: Listen to your child’s feelings.

Faber and Mazlish show us how automatic it is for us as parents to tell children they shouldn’t feel what they say they feel, or try to convince them they feel something else. They start off by encouraging us to listen to the feelings our children are conveying, even if they’re uncomfortable and hard to hear.

I’ve seen lots of skeptical responses to that first topic from parents who can’t see how letting a child express his or her feelings will change anything. And I’ve seen an equal number of stunned converts when they make the effort to listen attentively with empathy.

Emotions are powerful and they overwhelm judgment when children don’t let them out. When our children communicate what they’re feeling and realize they are being heard and understood, it’s affirming and calming. It creates connection and gives them encouragement. It transforms their behavior. Not all of it, of course, but enough to see immediate results.

Dr. Ginott understood this about children. He taught Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and they experienced its truth in their families. They share this truth with so many examples and stories it’s impossible to read that first chapter and not make changes.This book is a blessing. I hope you will get a copy, read it, and put these techniques into practice.

Around the spring of 1993 I started having two careers. I maintained a part-time therapy practice, and I became co-owner of a child development center with my mother. My responsibilities early on were training and supervising staff specifically on ways to work well with children. Over time I agreed to take responsibility for directly supervising some of the staff on all areas of job performance. I was over my head!

But any new supervisor is, to some degree. I knew how to train and guide and evaluate our staff on their work directly with children, but the rest was challenging. What do you do when an employee comes in late or misses work nearly every Monday after payday?

I had to dig into my values and overall vision for the business to help me navigate some of these challenges. Fortunately for me, I came across a magazine that had Kent Keith’s Paradoxical Commandments of Leadership. I made a photocopy and held on to it. Eventually I framed the photocopy and hung it over my desk.

I didn’t follow them perfectly, and sometimes I’m sure I went for weeks without adhering to a single one. After all, I’m not nice!

But I believe the values expressed in the Commandments. They speak to character and connectedness. They speak to a higher purpose.

This year, The Mentorship Approach With Teams & Groups will go through the Commandments one at a time. I want to talk about ways I’ve used them, ways I failed to use them, and ways they will make your experience as a trainer, supervisor, boss, team leader, committee chair—any role of Mentor—more meaningful.

I first learned about the field of Creative Career Choice when I was trying to find my own new career. I “Googled” and “Yahoo’d” different phrases. They led me to ChangingCourse.com and its founder Valerie Young, to Barbara Sher, and to Barbara Winter.

I am a huge fan of all three of these amazing women. I have read their books, e-books, workbooks, and newsletters, attended their teleseminars, and chatted with them on their forums. But in spite of how well I know their ideas, their energy, and their passion for helping people find work they love and live life with passion, I was blown away by the CD recording of their Making Dreams Happen live event.

There are 23—yes! 23—audio CDs in the set, plus a computer file of the handouts. I loaded all the audio CDs onto my iPod so I could listen whenever I had “mindless chore” time or driving time. The three ladies were my companions for several hours of my drive to and from Orlando, and they kept me company at my sons’ soccer practices and Tae Kwon Do classes before and after that trip.

As you can tell, there are many, many hours of content in this audio program. And it’s all good. The energy is maintained from one session to the next. You can feel the excitement and joy in the participants as they make discoveries about the kinds of lives they want to have and the kinds of work that will fit into those richer lives.

You get a real sense of participating in the event since the audio program contains comments and questions from the attendees, plus their responses to many creative exercises. Valerie, Barbara, and Barbara packed a ton of information, inspiration, and creativity into three days. I’m certain the attendees went home transformed, and overwhelmed by all they experienced.

This audio format is great for me because I could go at my own pace and drink it all in. I got to think about what I learned and let it bubble and simmer a little while before hearing more. As an added blessing, I can listen again and again when I need a creativity tonic.

I enthusiastically recommend this audio program. If you’re struggling to choose a career path, thinking about career change, or trying to live a creative and meaningful life, this is for you. It’s about listening to your deepest self to discover your calling, defining the life you want, and then taking practical and real steps to make it happen. Check it out!

You might be thinking, Christmas just ended. Why are you talking about a Cash Christmas now?Because right now, when your credit card bills from the last Christmas are coming in, is the time to start planning to have a Cash Christmas!

Why would anyone bother to save up money for Christmas instead of using credit cards?

Christmas on Credit

* Set “target” amounts to spend on each person but go over your target—a little bit at a time—so often that you’re shocked by how much you overspend.
* Plan to have all of last Christmas’ purchases paid off by next Christmas.
* Last-minute “extra” gifts and gifts for people you overlooked are easy to buy on credit. Hard to pay off, but easy to buy!

Cash Christmas

* You set definite amounts to spend, and if you want to spend more on one person you have to spend less on another, or come up with the cash from somewhere else (like your food budget).
* You save up all year for Christmas gifts so when you’re done shopping you’re done paying.
* Last-minute “extra” gifts don’t seem as important, and when you think about gifts for “overlooked” people it’s a lot easier to decide if you really want to buy a gift, give homemade treats, or just plan to spend time together. You focus on giving gifts out of a sincere desire to give instead of guilt. If you realize you really did overlook someone, find the cash in your budget somewhere else, buy a gift, and put the person on your list for next year.

How Can I Do This?

For people unaccustomed to saving up, this can be a new and strange experience. Plan your list right now for next Christmas. Use last Christmas’ purchases as a benchmark.

Did you include people you really don’t normally exchange gifts with? Did you overlook anyone and need to include them this year? Get everyone on your list, including your children’s teachers and any gifts or treats you will buy for co-workers, colleagues, or fellow members in organizations. Be thorough!

Using the amount you spent for each last year, decide if it was too much, too little, or just right. Decide what you will spend this year.

Total up your list. Divide your total by twelve. You need that much money each month to reach your target. For example, if you need $1,000 you have to put aside about $85 per month. $50 per month will grow to $600.

Where can you save it? In a savings account if you have one. In a cookie jar, envelope, or sock drawer if that works for you.

If you think ahead and plan what you will buy, you can save money. Since the money is accumulating, you can buy gifts early when you see things on sale in the summer or fall.

If you really do manage to pay off last Christmas by December, when you give out gifts at the end of this year you will be Christmas-debt free! That’s a huge gift you will give yourself.

Ordinary things done consistently produce extraordinary results.~Alex Mandossian

I was out of town for over a week from Christmas through the beginning of the year. When I got back my first entry to my career change blog Twisting Road was about things that happened to move my business forward without me guiding them.

Actually I was harvesting the fruits of previous effort that set things in motion weeks before. I took a series of smaller, simple steps to find a name for my business and have the papers drafted to change my corporation’s name. I dropped them in the mail just before I left. When I got home the confirmation letter from the corporations office in my state had arrived.

In thinking and writing about “Elephant Burgers,” breaking things into manageable steps, I have overlooked some important things. I want to acknowledge them here. They come from the power of momentum.

The Momentum of Courage: When you take small steps with things that are scary, you overcome your fears. In the future similar steps aren’t as scary so they are easier.

The Momentum of Familiarity: What you broke into five steps before might become one step in the future, and might be a whole lot easier.

The Momentum of Serendipity: You finally call a person on your list as a potential client or information source to help find clients. He asks if you’ve joined the Chamber of Commerce. You tell him it’s on your list to check out but you have not talked to anyone yet. Turns out, he’s on the membership committee, walks you through the process, and offers to introduce you around.

The Momentum of Intention: You look up a local professional writers’ workshop on the internet and find out where they meet. You print out a map and plan to drive by. Within a few days you realize you’re on nearby streets often, you drive by and see it’s easy to get there. You realize how you can fit meetings into your schedule by planning to do your errands in that area on the day they meet.

The Momentum of Actualizing: As the ideas and plans start becoming real, actual things, the steps get easier. When you finally publish your new web site, you feel more intensity and excitement about editing and correcting text than when you were planning it out on paper or in a document file.

The Momentum of Accomplishment: When you are working on steps towards a distant goal, but you’re reaching the finish line on previous goals, the enthusiasm will lift you, encourage you, and lighten the work on your current steps.