“What was that you were doing?” Jean Good asked her husband Scott. He was in the garage, actually trying to have some privacy. He was practicing his newfound sport Tae Kwon Do and didn’t really want her to see him.

Scott was practicing basic form one, the first collection of steps new students learn in the martial art form. “From the moment I set eyes on basic form one, I knew I wanted to do it,” Jeanie said. “I’ve never had something affect me like that.”

Eighteen years later, Jean Good is known as Master Jeanie and is a sixth degree black belt. She’s the first woman to achieve that high rank in the World Youn Wha Ryu Association. Her husband Scott is also a Tae Kwon Do Master, having earned the rank of fifth degree black belt.

Circumstances: Random Chance or Destiny?

Scott and Jeanie and their children were living in Tucson when Scott’s company notified him they were going to transfer him to the Dallas-Fort Worth area. The family only had to wonder how they would manage such a big change for about a month. That’s when Jeanie’s company said they were relocating and taking six managers with them. She was selected to go with them—to the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

Scott had always been interested in martial arts so when an instructor started offering classes at his health club he signed up. That’s how he happened to be practicing basic form one in the garage when Jeanie walked in.

Jeanie and her daughters started taking classes shortly after. Scott and the instructor struck up a friendship that turned into a business partnership. With Scott’s intensity and business acumen, the two men opened satellites in every location they could find. Within a few months they found a site to open a permanent school in Grapevine, a suburban community near DFW Airport. With Scott and Jeanie just beginning to advance up the belt levels, they were co-owners of a Tae Kwon Do training studio.

Finding Her Mission

Scott and Jeanie kept their jobs and worked at the school in the evenings. Jeanie was teaching classes from the time she had her yellow belt, the first step up from beginner. As she and Scott were around other students and other training styles, they realized the partnership with their original instructor would not work out long term. His style was too abrupt.

Jeanie has always seen how Tae Kwon Do can develop the whole person, and that’s how she wanted it taught. She’s a strict instructor, and students leave her classes sweating and panting. But they know beyond any doubt that she cares about them and sees them as individuals.

They dissolved the partnership and Scott and Jeanie took charge of the school. With his business skills and her focus on training, it started booming, and just in time. Scott and Jeanie were both laid off from their jobs one day apart. They decided to focus on building the business since it was already growing so well. For many years they had great success.

They helped set up satellite schools in other parts of Texas and developed on-site satellite programs for beginner classes that eventually brought more students to the main school. They planned a second school in an affluent neighborhood near the Dallas Cowboys headquarters. It was set to open October 2, 2001. September 11 got in the way.

Plans Derailed And New Challenges

Many industries were affected by September 11, some in obvious ways, like the airlines. The Tae Kwon Do schools felt the affects in a big way. The new location never reached enough students to be feasible so it closed quickly. The Grapevine location saw a substantial drop in students, too. It was a long-term change, so Scott eventually found a full-time job while he continued to teach some evenings and helped oversee the business. Jeanie found herself with more of the responsibility for the school, especially the business decisions that had never been her strong suit.

She also felt the need to support the association, since other schools in the region were struggling, too. Grandmaster Han, a highly accomplished ninth degree black belt respected worldwide in martial arts, established The World Youn Wha Ryu association. Jeanie realized the strength of her school is due in large part to the strength of the association and Grandmaster Han’s philosophy. It was important to her to be an active leader in the association. She put a lot of her time and effort into helping grow the association and keeping it active while she was also keeping her school going and slowly building up student levels.

With Scott working full-time Jeanie had to make more of the decisions about things like marketing and where to set up on-site classes to build up the number of students. She is now implementing a written business plan (a first for her) that includes starting training for assistant instructors at a lower belt level so they can participate early on and be encouraged to become full instructors at the higher belt levels. She is finding locations for satellite schools and looking for places to offer demonstrations by students. She is even learning about advertising, at least enough to make effective choices. The student levels are not back to where they were before, but they are slowly rising.

The Hardest Thing She Ever Did

Jeanie became Master Jeanie in January of 2002 when she received the rank of fifth degree black belt. It was a culmination of years of training and focused hard work preparing to test. She joined the small group of Masters in the World Youn Wha Ryou Association who guide the organization and uphold its standards and ethics. It was an inspiring accomplishment, and surely she thought she was done testing.

Grandmaster Han saw there was even more in Jeanie. This past summer he invited her to test for her sixth degree black belt. She knew it would take months of training and be a drain on her both mentally and physically, but she trusted in her Grandmaster’s vision and accepted his invitation.

In December 2007 Jeanie honored the Grandmaster in a belt test that will be remembered for ages. She engaged in two-on-one sparring, being challenged by a fifth degree black belt and a third degree black belt at the same time. She was kind and only took them down a couple of times. Then, in a stunning display of top defensive forms, she had a group of Masters line up and attack her, one after the other, getting back in line for further attacks, as she demonstrated dozens of takedown moves. It was breathtaking.

That night, at a surprise party thrown by her students, Jeanie told the crowd that preparing for the test and meeting that challenge was the hardest thing she had ever done. Her daughters, both black belts, told her how much of an inspiration she is for them and other women because of her strength and courage and dedication.

A Natural Teacher

Jeanie’s strength is teaching. It’s her calling. She’s a natural at it because she loves the movements of Tae Kwon Do and she enjoys people. She is warm and sincere and sees her students as family. “I can’t imagine not teaching them,” she says. “I do this not just to teach them to kick and punch. I do this to help them change their lives. I’ve seen it happen dozens of times.”

The thing is, Jeanie thinks it’s the Tae Kwon Do that’s changing their lives. Certainly the system, based in honor and discipline and respect and self-control, helps students build character and confidence. But that’s only part of it. What Jeanie doesn’t realize is that lives are changing because her attention and dedication and love are transforming her students.

How do we get our kids to do what they’re supposed to do? Most of us grew up with basic chores, homework, and house rules. It all seems perfectly logical to us as adults. But our kids don’t seem to agree!

When simple directions don’t work, some parents command or even threaten. Others bargain, bribe, and plead. But not much happens. I was skeptical when I learned Faber and Mazlish’s techniques for engaging cooperation. But when I tried them they worked—like magic.

Chapter 2 of How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk is titled “Engaging Cooperation.” Skeptics may think they’ll find sticker charts here, or escalating warnings with escalating consequences. I think they’ll be intrigued.

In their uniquely engaging way, Faber and Mazlish review the ways lots of us parents try to get our children to do things. They give scenarios of parents lecturing, commanding, comparing children’s behavior to others, playing the martyr, and many other approaches that send a shudder of self-realization through all of us. Most meaningfully, they help us see those experiences from the child’s point of view.

Instead of those ineffective techniques, they offer voodoo. At least, that’s what I thought it was at first. How in the world is that going to work? But their suggestions do work.

They sound so simple it seems they shouldn’t work. One technique is to describe the situation you see. “John, your dirty clothes are piled in that corner and your clean clothes are falling off your dresser. Your bedspread is in the closet and I can’t even see your pillows. I can’t step any further into the room without stepping on your toys on the floor.” Facts are irrefutable! Lots of children will understand and start putting things away. Some won’t. They’ll take it to the next level.

And with this chapter you’ll be ready. “Clean clothes belong in the closet and the dresser. Dirty clothes belong in the hamper. Toys go on the shelf when you’re not playing with them.” More facts with clear expectations.

Will your child still resist? There is another level. “When I see your room in such a mess, I feel disappointed and frustrated. I expect you to take good care of your things. From now on, you can keep the things you take good care of, and we’ll put away the rest until you’re ready to handle them.” Your child may need to see you follow through on taking away the things left out before he or she believes you, but it will work.

With their many examples and scenarios it’s easy to figure out how to apply these techniques to your own situations. They include some other fun and even playful ways to get children to take responsibility and manage their belongings and chores well on a regular basis.

You’ll find yourself thinking, “I want to believe this will work. I really do!” And it will. Like magic.

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Words like these sound wonderful in an inspirational speech or a sermon. I close my eyes and smile and think, “What a wonderful world.” Then reality walks in wearing flesh and bones and a rude attitude!

Now don’t get me wrong. I actually have the capacity for a lot of empathy and compassion. I can forgive a bad attitude and some harsh comments if I know someone is having a hard time. I start “listening” with my intuition if someone is quiet or seems shut down.

But my capacity for kindness was overwhelmed by some situations. Sometimes an employee would come in on a Friday morning and say, “I need to be off next week.” Rarely was it a life crisis, like a parent’s or child’s illness. It was usually something like, “My mother’s taking her vacation time and driving to visit family and she wants me to go with her.” Or it might have been something like, “My husband’s work is closing down for a week and he wants to use the time to get things done around the house.”

I was a business owner responsible for scheduling well-trained, nurturing people to care for children on a stable and consistent basis. I couldn’t tell if that employee didn’t value her importance to the children in her group, or if she felt she was compelled to put her family’s wants (not needs) before her work responsibilities.

Either way, I thought my head would explode!

I had to back away from the situation and get some perspective. A lot of times it would come down to a family member having unreasonable expectations of my employee, and me having to deal with the unreasonable person indirectly. As the employer, I could act professionally and maturely and enforce rules and clarify boundaries and make my expectations obvious. But I would likely lose up against the coercion of the family member.

What worked? If I calmed down and talked to my employee we could usually resolves those crises. I would hear her point of view on the pressure from the family member. Did she want to do this or did she feel obligated? Then I would remind her of the children’s needs for continuity and the pressure her sudden absence would put on co-workers.

The employee would share her view and I would understand more. I would share my view and my employee would understand more. Then we would come up with a plan that respected each other’s needs and included reasonable compromises. We would even discuss ways for the employee to talk with mom or the husband to explain why a week off wouldn’t work.

Sometimes it seemed I had to compromise a lot, giving a couple of days off or shortening the schedule for a week. Some of the women working for us loved their jobs and loved working with the children, but they were just learning to value themselves.

Their job was where they were developing independence and self-esteem. They needed that, and I knew long-term they would become even better employees. So I was inclined to figure out what was in their long-term best interest and try to make that happen if I could.

This is a hard commandment. It demands a lot and it costs a lot of time and emotional energy.

Do it anyway.

What better way to pursue happiness than by learning how to work at what you love?

What better way to combine work and play than by bringing the things you enjoy into your work life?

Even better, how about sending yourself on a retreat to have fun, enjoy time away, find your life mission, and be able to claim it as a deduction on your tax return!

Valerie Young and Barbara Winter are two acclaimed experts on helping people find ways to combine your passions, values, and ideal life to come up with a plan for making a living on your own terms. They both have full schedules with workshops and teleconferences, but they were able to schedule time to come together and present their much-loved workshop “Work At What You Love” again this year.

Valerie and Barbara are idea factories and rivers of encouragement, hope, and support. Past participants rave about the two-day event. They leave with pages and pages of ideas, new connections with other creative people finding ways to take charge of their lives, and skills for turning dreams into real steps forward.

If you’re ready to leave the job-box and start taking charge of your life, Work At What You Love will supercharge you on your way!

I listen to financial advice talk shows from time to time. Two of my favorites are Dave Ramsey on the radio and Suze Orman on television.

If you’ve heard both of them, you might have noticed their ideas are different in a lot of ways. They especially differ on how to approach paying off credit card debt. When I was thinking about helpful ideas for getting rid of debt, I tried to imagine a conversation between the two of them.

Dave Here’s how you pay off your debts. List them in order from lowest balance to highest. Make minimum payments on everything, and then pay as much as you can extra on the lowest balance. When that one’s paid off tackle the next one up. Now you’re paying the minimum payment for the paid off loan, plus the minimum payment for the next loan, plus any other money you can manage.

Suze That’s ridiculous! You should pay off your credit cards by tackling the one with the highest interest rate first. Anyone who tells you any other way is wrong! Mathematically it just makes sense to pay off the high interest loans first.

Dave Ma’am, if we were doing math we wouldn’t have credit card debt. Personal finance is 20% math and 80% behavior. We need some incentive. Paying off the lowest balance first is the quickest way to feel the excitement of making progress. As you pay off bills, you have more and more available to pay on the next one on the list. It gets exciting!

Suze I want people to pay off their credit card debt, too. What I really like to see people do is transfer all their high interest balances to a lower interest card so they save money. Then they can have one low rate credit card to build up their FICO credit score.

Dave I don’t like to see people opening new credit card accounts. You don’t borrow your way out of a debt problem. I want people to focus on paying off their debts one buy one, and then chop up their credit cards and never go into debt again! If you play with snakes you’re gonna’ get bit.

Suze I knew you were crazy! You can’t just chop up your credit cards and close the accounts! Your FICO score will go down and you won’t be able to borrow money at good interest rates!

Dave When you learn to save up and pay cash, a FICO score doesn’t really matter. Get rid of those credit cards! No more debt!

Suze Where did you come from?!

The fun of this kind of imagined exchange is that two well-respected experts with very different points of view both say basically the same thing—credit card debt is harmful to building wealth long-term. Follow the advice of either one and you wind up at the same place.

Your credit card debt is paid off.

Then if you build up an emergency fund in a savings account, you’ll never feel like you need to use a credit card again.

Disclaimer: This is a fictitious representation meant to characterize different opinions on paying credit card debt. In truth, it can be hard to know what either of the people named is going to say at any given time!

For me, scheduling my time is like budgeting my money. If I make a plan for it, I direct it and stay in charge. If I don’t have a plan, I spend some here and spend some there and turn around at the end of the day and wonder where it all went.

When you budget your money, you tell your money what you want it to do. When you budget your time, you tell your time… Wait! Not really. You don’t tell your time what you want it to do. You tell yourself what you want you to do with the time you have.

It’s as if you are your own most reliable project manager. In the creative and challenging business that is your life, you are your own best “go to” expert for getting things done.

Here’s the “nuts” part. I came up with this idea for a daily project meeting—with yourself. This is a creative way to use imagery to bring alive a mundane task like scheduling (budgeting your effort).

My idea was pretty basic at first. At the beginning of each day, meet with yourself to look at your goals and the individual steps needed to accomplish them and decide which ones you will do that day. At the end of the day, meet with yourself and review your progress, see if you have to carry some goals over to the next day, and leave yourself notes for the next morning’s meeting.

Take charge of the quality of your meetings. If you can visualize your creative thinking self as the CEO (Chief Everything Officer) in one chair and your organized and task-oriented self as Project Manager in another chair, you might really enjoy this. As CEO, give your Project-Manager-self kudos for the accomplishments, offer ideas for overcoming obstacles that got in the way, and provide encouragement to take on bigger challenges. As Project Manager give your CEO-self feedback on what things in the schedule are distracting and disruptive and suggest removing or limiting them.

Then the idea started growing. I read Michael Masterson’s Early To Rise newsletter from February 25. He wrote an article about scheduling daily tasks that has some powerful ideas. You can read the article here. The link takes you to the newsletter archives. Scroll down to find “Using Daily Task Lists To Accomplish Your Goals.”

I expanded my model to include weekly and monthly meetings to review progress on goals, and an annual meeting to review the goals, adjust them, and set new ones. Following the model looks something like this.

Each year have an annual meeting where you review the past year’s goals and set new goals for the coming year. Break the year’s goals into monthly goals. Review your long-tem plan, too, maybe including three-year, five-year, and ten-year goals, plus ideas that don’t have a time frame yet.

If you really want to give this meeting emphasis and make it special, have a retreat. If you can only afford an overnight stay at a local inn or luxury hotel, do it there. If you can afford a little more travel and a little more time, make it happen. It’s not too late to have an annual review. Pick a night or weekend when you can free up your time, go some place special if you can swing it, or plan a peaceful, uninterrupted time at home. Treat yourself well (nice food, favorite music, a massage beforehand) so you can relax and focus on the meeting. Remember—you are your business’ most valuable employee

At the end of each month, have an end-of-day meeting to review the past month’s goals and the goals you have set for the coming month. Make adjustments where you need to. Break the next month’s goals into weekly goals.

At the end of each week, have an end-of-day meeting to review the week’s goals and break the coming week’s goals into daily goals.

At the beginning of each day, meet with yourself to look at the weekly goals and see which ones you intend to accomplish that day. At the end of the day, meet with yourself again and review your progress. See if you have to carry some goals over to the next day, and leave yourself notes for the next morning’s meeting. Congratulate yourself and set targets for more accomplishment.

I’m just beginning to employ this idea, but I see enormous potential. One of the biggest challenges we self-bossers face is staying motivated to work on things that don’t immediately provide an income. Those who master the challenge have learned to treat themselves the way they would treat valued team members they rely on. This model will help us all do that.